I have always been accused of spoiling my babies by the casual observer. I carry them when they want to be carried, nurse them into the toddler years, and co-sleep rather than letting them cry. I’ve always just felt ‘right’ about parenting this way and it works well for our family. In fact, if I spoil my babies, my husband is the indulgence king.
If you read books on attachment parenting, this is our philosophy and we follow most of it pretty closely. It is not so much that we read ‘the book’ and decided that’s what we wanted to do. It is more that we stumbled upon attachment parenting instinctively and then read more about it. I have always felt that my kids would learn independence through promoting attachment and that by encouraging them to be “attached” they would transition into childhood more easily and independently. Interestingly, no one mentioned to me that I would have to move into their childhood independently too. No where has my “letting go” been in my conscious thoughts. . .although of course I know that’s part of their growing up.
Enter my cause for reflection this morning: I bought my oldest daughter’s first bra last week. She has to wear a white leotard and for modesty’s sake she needs a bra. As we stood in front of the bra section making our selections I remember. . .
I remember when I first held her in my arms and how everyone came to see her in the hospital. I remember how she used to sleep on my husband’s chest. I remember that when she would get the hiccups she would cry incessantly and I remember taking turns with my husband pacing up and down the hallway. I remember clearly my husband and I arguing over who was to get up next because she liked to eat all night long and I remember us asking, “when will be able to sleep through the night again?” I remember her never wanting her stroller and never wanting to be put down. I always was holding her.
Never in those sleepless nights did I dream that I would be longing for them again one day. So often we’re anxious to get over this phase or that. I’ve been there too. We can’t wait until they sleep through the night. We can’t wait until they’re out of diapers. But before we know it, they are out of diapers and selecting pretty polka dot bras and asking about deodorant.
In retrospect, I am glad I am ‘spoiling’ my babies. I know those days will not come back. My kids are on to new things–as they should be. I am glad that I can look back and say I took every opportunity to hold, cuddle, nurse and touch my baby. The opportunities now are so few and far between as my kids grow up. The next time you’re up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time, take a few minutes to reflect. The notion that this too shall pass may make the difficulties of the newborn period more pleasant if not a joy. Regardless of how hard it is. . .it is but one era in their little lives. I say ‘spoil’ all you want!