“Mama, I wanna tell you something.” This seems to be Tyler’s mantra. I hear it from the time he gets home from school until he closes his eyes for bed. There’s always some fascinating “Did you know…?” story he wants to share with me. At times it can be hard to listen to him all the time, especially when I’m trying to work but I try to give him a few minutes of attention, listen to what he has to say, and then continue with what I was doing.
“A mother who listens shows her children they matter”, says Michele Borba, Ed.D, in her book, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know. She offers fours steps to listening with “full presence”. They are:
(1) Stop everything else– When your child wants or needs you, “put down the cell phone, turn off the TV, get off the computer, let the pasta boil,” says Borba. Then get eye to eye with your child and really listen to what they have to say. Don’t interrupt or offer any opinion, just listen. Sometimes kids aren’t looking for advice from you, simply listening and being silent can be very affirming.
(2) Offer encouragement– When your child has finished, let him know that you are interested in what he has just told you (and that you were really listening) by repeating a few key words.
(3) Acknowledge their feelings– Let your child know that they have your full attention by showing them that you recognize when they are frustrated, sad, unhappy, etc.
(4) Offer reassurance– Finally, end the conversation with a supporting phrase (“I hope things work out.”) or a phrase that shows appreciation (“Thank you for sharing that with me.”) and then wait to see if your child needs anything else.
As busy parents, sometimes it’s hard to give kids our full attention. However, when you think about it, it really takes just a few minutes to stop what you are doing and listen to what your kids have to say. Kids have a way of acting out in order to get our attention. Wouldn’t it be much easier to give them the attention they crave by listening rather than having them seek our attention in inappropriate ways?
See also:
How to Use Consequences to Change Behavior
How to Get Your Kids to Listen to You
An Easy Solution to Attention-seeking Behavior