I have ambivalent feelings sometimes about my relationships with childless friends–not about the friends themselves, but I do wrestle with some of the feelings carefree, family free, childless adults bring up in ME. It occurred to me recently, however, that those great friends obviously play an integral role in my life and in my family, so I thought I might work to count my blessings and explore all the things I’ve learned from my childless friends…
My childless friends remind me that for me, being a mother was a choice. It is and was something I really wanted to do and who I really wanted to be as PART of who I am. Sometimes I can get bogged down in the every day details of single parenthood and feel a bit like a downtrodden, invisible victim. Being around people who have chosen NOT to have children, reminds me that I really chose TO have children and to work through all the life changes and realities that choice has to offer.
My friends without children also give me a chance to interact with other adults in a non-child charged way. I can’t help but think this prepares me for when my children move out and I will no longer be so heavily identified with my role as a mother. While I can’t even imagine a life without a houseful of kids, being around my friends who live alone, or in childless partnerships gives me a taste of what that life can be like in a realistic way. While my friends who don’t have children may have a curiosity and an interest in kids, and some are incredibly fabulous aunts and uncles and involved with children in ways other than parenting (I do have a couple friends who really have no interest or capability for dealing well with children–and I’ve learned a lot from them too!), our conversations and interactions aren’t nearly as parent-focused as with my parent friends. I think this is a good thing, it gives me perspective and helps develop other sides of myself.
I also think it’s good for my kids to be exposed to various lifestyles. I want them to know that parenthood is a choice and that a person can live a completely full and valid life without being a parent. So, I think it’s been really great for them to be around trustworthy and fun adult friends of Mom who aren’t parents. It helps give them perspective for making their own life choices and see all the different ways adults choose to live their lives.