She was released from residential treatment a few days ago. It was a very long and short, nearly 90-days. All of the important family days of celebration happened while she was housed by outsiders with “education” along with other dramatic children–with desperate parents.
We celebrated all four of our birthdays, daddy, little brother, mom, and finally her 9th-birthday, with pie or cake in the family, visit-room. It was pathetic. Grandma and Grandpa were her for mine. Actually, they were here for nearly 2-weeks and I was able to enjoy them. Our family almost didn’t survive the Christmas Holiday–it was just a few days after when we had no more help to give her.
She turned 9 years old. I remember being 9. My inside voice is still–who I am today. Who I always have been. I can’t even imagine what her beautiful soul has been through–or what she must be really thinking? I have never heard the voice of who she is…
If I had magic I would surely use it. Good-Luck would be very welcome. The truth be told, I can’t imagine anyone else who could love HER and be so perfect a family then we are. We want for so little in our live–yet, we find it impossible to give her what it is the “Really” needs the most.
For some strange reason–this seems to be the “Story of My life!”
…While she was receiving the “minimal” treatment for 90-days away from home, I took care of myself. I rested, and visited with my mommy. I had a much needed hysterectomy, and am nearly 5-weeks into recovery. I feel much better–I am always a survivor. There is no choice in the fact of the matter.
That’s the difference between a survivor and a victim. A survivor has more than simple rituals of magic, or moments of lucky circumstances. A survivor has nothing more then pure faith and hope.
It’s nothing similar to magic or luck–faith and hope don’t need to follow any recipe or ceremony, there are no trinkets, lottery tickets, or charms. Faith is much superior because it’s a pure-FACT and the sound of a survivors sub-conscience voice. There is no chance to be dependant on simple magic or happenstance.
I have, sadly, seen my faith and hope invested and not been given the outcome I believed I wanted. I have walked In this faith and hope–and survived loving other bottomless-Pitts. I loved, and believed this way before. Sometimes, I have not received the answers I wanted. I don’t know if it was really any true failure–or that the answer wasn’t the one it should have been.
Actually, it is still sometimes the correct answers. When I have had to Let go of others in m past it doesn’t mean there was a real failure. Everything works together for the good. I have let go of other’s in my life.
I have had to give-up on other–souls. Well, not on their souls–but, on the way mine interacts with theirs. I still live in the faith and hope that the person move on in life and somehow find the “peace” they need to be complete. I have needed to step aside and allow a soul or two to drift away from me.
A survivor knows when it’s time to move on. The faith in the other’s ability to also survive and find happiness never goes away–it’s still a “wishing them the best” kind of feeling.
All we have to give is–everything she needs. So that’s what we do…and it’s okay–right now. We don’t know what the outcome will be? Yet. My voice is me still and I can survive–I am a survivor, dependant only on hope and faith. I am her mother. Forever.
Related Blogs:
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms: Adoption terms and special needs words may vary from agency to agency. The terms used in this Special Needs Adoption-Related Glossary may be slightly different from one State to another.
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.
Anna Glendenning is also Families.com Insurance and Guest Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/happymomanna/blog