How you discipline your children or how you plan to discipline your children are not likely topics of discussion for two people planning to get married. If you did talk about this prior to getting married and worked out a number of these issues ahead of time, my hat is off to you. My husband and I were together for many years before we were married and our daughter arrived just shortly after our first anniversary. As an infant, discipline wasn’t really an issue – discipline doesn’t really start until your children are older.
Discipline Can Make Your Marriage Bumpy
We know financial problems can create problems in a marriage and how you deal with the finances can either soothe the way or make it more difficult. Your style of discipline, particularly if it conflicts with your spouse’s style of discipline can make your marriage more than bumpy – it can make the road you are traveling together pitted with potholes and difficult to navigate.
First and foremost, your styles should never contradict each other. Our kids learn very quickly that one parent can countermand another and even the most innocent child will willfully take advantage of one parent not knowing what the other has said.
You should never argue about how to discipline your child in front of your child. We have a rule of thumb that when we disagree with the severity of what the other parent is doing, we’ll suggest that our daughter go to her room while Mommy and Daddy discuss it. It’s important for us to do this because it allows us to discuss the issue and work together on a joint plan to deal with it. It’s important for our daughter that we do this because we provide a united voice to address the issue with.
Communication is Key
Communication is key in many situations and it can help resolve so many problems. Your role as a married couple should never conflict with your roles as parents. In fact, it should do just the opposite strengthening both of you to confront the issues that will face you as parents. As your children get older, you can sit down together to establish what the family rules are and what is expected on both sides. It’s important that your children know what to expect from you and that you each know what to expect from the other parent.
Neither of us is always right, in fact – we are the most right when we’ve worked out the issues between us with regards to discipline rather than saying: we’re doing this his way or we’re doing this my way. Our daughter is best served when she understands that Mommy and Daddy are on the same page and we’ve never let her say: “Well Daddy told me I could,” particularly if Daddy is not there to back up the statement.
Does your style of discipline match your spouse’s?
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