Pregnancy after one or more miscarriages can turn what should be a joyous time into a very stressful time. Multiple miscarriages in the past increase stress levels dramatically. Many women are afraid to talk or even think too much about the baby or the future. This is how I felt after each of my three miscarriages.
I lost two babies before we ever had children. The fertility doctor thought they were unrelated. I couldn’t get a clear answer on what was causing the problem. Endometriosis was suspected to be the cause of the second. Once I had the surgery to take care of the endometriosis and then went on to have three healthy babies, I thought miscarriage was in the past. Then about a year and a half ago, we found out we were unexpectedly expecting. I lost the baby at 11 weeks pregnant and was devastated.
Like most women, I found myself afraid to even think about this pregnancy for a long time. I was waiting to get past the time when my previous miscarriages occurred. Then I was waiting for the magical day when I would hear our baby’s heartbeat on the Doppler. Only then did we share the news with our three daughters and the rest of the family. I borrowed a Doppler from my sister in law and checked on the baby every time I got the terrible feeling that something was wrong. Once I saw the baby on the ultrasound and felt him move, I began to enjoy this pregnancy and look forward to giving birth.
Waiting until you have passed the stage where you have lost a past pregnancy can cause you to drive yourself crazy with worry. You may find yourself analyzing your pregnancy symptoms. Are my breasts still tender? Do I feel as sick or tired as I did yesterday? Every trip to the bathroom induces stress as you wait to see blood.
The first step toward healing is to grieve for the child you have lost. Consider creating some type of memorial to your baby. Create a memory box, write a journal or plant a tree. We planted a tree in honor of the first two babies we lost. Remember to grieve with your husband or partner. It was his baby too. Talking to other women who have gone through miscarriages may help. Talking to people who have never suffered this loss may not be much help. In my experience, most just don’t understand how you could have been so attached to the baby.
Determining the cause can help you heal and relax in your next pregnancy. This is not always possible. Out of three miscarriages, I really only got an answer once. Often the cause is unknown. If the doctor is able to determine the cause, it can help you heal and plan for the future without fear.
Focus on the future, rather than the past. Find a way to relax that works for you. This could be positive thoughts, visualization exercises, prenatal yoga, meditation or prayer. Confide in your partner or a friend about your fears. Find a method that works for you and will allow you to see the future in a positive way.