When my children were little, I always knew that they were genuinely in need of my intervention and help when they would call, “Mom, I need you!” It didn’t always come out as a “call”–sometimes it was a dejected little face walking into the room, or a frustrated whine. But, it was definitely different than the less urgent declarations that would come at other times. As my kids have gotten older, they often say that they definitely DON’T need my help or intervention–but there are still those times when what they really need is for a parent to step in and provide support, nurturing, encouragement, or just a fresh dose of perspective.
It’s so tough for us parents to learn and know when to step in and when to let our kids work it out on their own. I find that my kids have developed in such a way that now, as older teenagers, they seldom ask for my help unless they really need it. And, I think that is how it is supposed to be. Over the years, there were phases when the drive to be independent and the urge to stay protected and dependent were obviously battling it out within my kids. They still are–but now it’s become rather poignant when I hear the “Mom, I need you.” It doesn’t roll off their tongues quite as easily as it did when they were younger.
Of course, as someone who has been completely enthralled with the process and gift of being a mother, I am hoping the day will never come when they will cease saying “Mom, I need you” altogether. Not that I want them to live at home until they are 35 (I don’t really think that’s in any danger of happening), but I’m hoping that no matter what, they know they can always count on me to be there. Or, as my son says when he has brief breaks in his teenage snarkiness–”Mom, I know you’ve got my back.”
See Also: Letting Kids do Things on Their Own and Five Ways to Boost Your Child’s Confidence