A new study, done by researchers at Ohio State University has found that couples who have especially difficult babies, can rely on their strong marital bonds to help them rise to the challenge. For couples who do not have strong bonds, the baby remained fussier for longer.
The study entailed a few phases. 97 different couples had to undergo a two hour home study assessment. Researchers watched the couple in conversation noting various behaviors such as how often they smiled at one another and how often they showed irritation. Based on their analysis they rated the couples’ bond. (I have to interject here that I would hate for someone to see me and my husband first thing in the morning! We are not friendly!) Researchers then went back to the couples’ homes when their babies were 3.5 months old and did another observation and assessment.
What they found was that among the couples who had a strong bond, they were able to focus on the baby, and rise to the occasion–although it may have been difficult. However, couples who rated as not having a strong bond, consistently undermined each other and spent more time bickering over what to do rather than actually spending time comforting the baby.
I read this study with great interest. I remember well when my husband and I were dealing with our first bout of sleep deprivation with our oldest daughter. She wasn’t even a particularly fussy baby but the demands of parenthood were significant and had a temporary toll on our marriage. From very early on in our parenting days, we stated (and reminded each other) that our babies need us to be a cohesive unit as much as they need their diapers changed or to be fed. It is not all about the children, but rather our relationship is the foundation of the family.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t attend to our children’s needs or respond to their cues. As many of you who regularly read my blogs and forum comments, we are an attachment parenting family and use most of the elements decribed in Dr. Sears’ 7 Baby B’s. However, it does mean that the husband/wife relationship is the core of our family.
With that said, if you are in the throws of caring for a newborn. . .take some time out today to appreciate and love your spouse! If you find that your marriage is suffering a little, take some time out to restore it a little. You’ll be glad you did and your baby will thank you for it!
For more ideas to help your marriage grow check out our marriage blog!