When it comes to relationships, we need rules and we need those rules for two reasons. The first reason, the most simple of reasons actually, is to know what to expect or to look for. The second reason, maybe not so simple, is that it’s hard to judge what a relationship should be from day to day. After all, it seems that complex and complicated relationships have become the acceptable norm.
Truth be told, the individual invents the complexity in relationships. Our relationships now are no more complex than they were fifty years ago or a hundred years ago. The simple truth is that while we like to think that when our gender roles were designated by society, it’s not just that men worked and women took care of the family – women took on work when needs must and in the modern world women have more options, sure – but for many of them, it’s still about needs must.
Understanding Relationships
In order to understand relationships, we need to understand ourselves. We need to recognize that we are attracted to the people in our lives for a variety of reasons. One person may remind you of someone you once knew. Another may make you feel very important and pamper you with a variety of gifts. Others may simply give you someone to talk to that’s non-judgmental and very supportive.
When a relationship is relatively new, many people confuse that initial attraction and pleasure taken in another’s company for love. Worse, when sex is in play, sex is often mistaken for love. What gets forgotten, too often, in that initial attraction is that respect is paramount to the success of the relationship. You need to respect your partner and they need to respect you.
Don’t Play Games
Relationships aren’t about guessing what your partner is thinking nor is it about making your partner guess about you. Honesty is another important element of a relationship because you can’t foster intimacy and closeness without it. When you have respect and honesty, it’s hard for even disagreements to destroy the relationship because it’s petty name-calling that sinks a relationship, not irritation. You and your partner may be different, but when you appreciate those differences it can enhance your relationship as a team.
Of course, this brings us back to the motto of my own relationship. This is something my husband has said for years and he’s right – it’s the perfect preventative maintenance for misunderstandings, recriminations and distrust. You have to assume good intentions.
So if you can do these things:
- Be Honest
- Be Respectful
- Assume Good Intentions
You’ll have discovered the rules that help make a difference between the brief or intermittent fling and the relationship built to last.
What other important rules for a relationship can you think of?