As we continue our series on wives who work from home we’re addressing another issue that was brought up in the comments. How do we keep our spouses from steamrolling the schedules we make for ourselves? Spontaneity is a great thing, but if you set a schedule, make appointments and have deadlines, there is nothing more frustrating than your spouse blithely turn your schedule upside down because they made appointments or decided to take the day off and want you to go somewhere with them.
Put Up the Stop Signs
First and foremost, assume that your spouse has no idea what you’re doing. Chances are, even if you mention it in passing over the dinner table – they didn’t hear you. Be proactive and take control of the situation and as anal as the following sounds, it works like a charm around here.
- Use email to notify your spouse of certain commitments that are business related, for example, you have Friday morning blocked off to copyedit – send him an email that you have that time set aside. Then if he pops up with a spontaneous thing he wants to go and do or needs you to do, remind him of the email and this part is important — don’t do it.
- Your schedule is important to you and when you let your spouse turn your schedule upside down on a whim, it’s bound to create a scent of resentment that will grow between you – you have to control that reaction for both of you
- Keep a little flexibility in your schedule, you need it for the kids if you have them and you need it for your husband
Your Spouse & Your Schedule
When your spouse has sudden changes in their schedule, it may not occur to them to let you know. I remember there were several nights that my husband came home late because he’d gotten caught up in sudden meetings. Dinner was cold by the time he came in or our daughter was in bed and when confronted with this particular fact, he stated:
I can’t always control my schedule, I was in a meeting. I’ll try to call next time.
Even when these types of things irritate you, you’re flexible. You’ll reheat the dinner or you’ll keep it warm for him. Remind him of these incidences when it comes to your own schedule. He can’t ride roughshod over it. You have to respect his business and his time and he needs to respect yours. It’s important that you set and hold those boundaries. You can concede when it’s really important to him or to you, but if you concede all the time then you are setting the precedent and supporting the idea that your work and your schedule isn’t as important.
We’re going to talk more about this and we’re going to keep generating ideas, because as wives who work from home, our business is important to us and whether our husband’s realize this or not, we have to demonstrate that importance so they have the opportunity to respect it and support us.
They want to support us – sometimes we just have to show them how.
How do you generate support from your spouse for the work that you do?
Related Articles:
Do You Hate Telling Your Spouse No?
Relationships Teach, They Do Not Fail
Answering Questions: Change is Inevitable