If you have ever traveled on an airplane, you know that you are told that should an emergency arise, you should put on your own oxygen mask first, before attending to your child. For many of us parents, this seems counter-intuitive. Aren’t we trained and conditioned to meet our child’s needs first and then look after our own? The point, of course, it that unless we are healthy and stable, we will not be able to look after our child’s needs. When a major crisis, event or difficult time occurs in a family, a parent needs to figure out and deal with their own feelings first, in order to be available and attentive to the child.
In matters of grief and crisis, the reality is that we may be dealing with our own feelings simultaneously as we are striving to be available for our child too. It is important, however, that we really do attend to our own emotional needs and our own process too. Our child will benefit from our health and availability. Not only are we modeling good self care and mental health, but we are also putting emotions and a healthy coping process center stage for our family. This means that children learn how to work through difficult times, but they also see that we are taking care of our own self so they don’t need to. A child can sense when a parent is NOT coping well with a difficult situation and many will start to feel responsible for the parent. This reversal is not healthy and keeps everyone from being able to move through the crisis or trauma. Getting stuck or dysfunctional, can mean that the effects of a crisis can linger or come up again and again.
Of course, we may not always be able to deal with our strong and difficult feelings on our own. Getting help in terms of friends, family, or even professional counseling can be a great way for us to attend to our own emotional needs so that we can be prepared and present to look after our child’s.
See Also: Are You Really Modeling Appropriate Behavior?
Why Modeling Is Good For Your Child