In Changes: Anger at Myself I talked about the main reasons I felt angry with myself when I found out that I was going to be a single parent. As I discussed there, yes, I did have reasons to be angry with myself. I also had reasons to be angry with him. Like I said before, I honestly can’t remember all of the reasons for my anger, but these are the main reasons.
One of the biggest reasons I was angry with him was because he told me I HAD to “get rid of it.” He already knew my feelings about that long before we started seeing each other. First, for him to say that to me basically said my feelings, values, and morals didn’t matter. Also, for him to give it to me like it was an order was really pushing it. Then he had the nerve to say “If you get rid of it, then we can stay together.” Granted, I loved him, but I don’t know what would make him think that I would even want to be near him again after he said something like that.
Being pregnant and having a child should be one of the happiest times in a womans life, as long as she is of the opinion that she wants children. I knew, from the time I was very young that I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. He turned what should have been one of the happiest times of my life into a very chaotic, scary, emotional time. I was very angry at him for this.
Then there was just the fact that he just packed his stuff while I was at work and left. This action made me angry in more than one way as well. First, he didn’t even have the decency to tell me he was leaving. I’m sure he thought I should assume he was doing it from the other things he had said, which I did. The least he could have done was to tell me that he was leaving when he planned on doing it. The other reason was the fact that he did leave, and left me alone to deal with the repercussions. Up until this point, I did believe everything he had told me. This action just totally proved everything he had told me up to this point were all lies. The “I love you”’s, and the and “I’d never let anyone hurt you”’s and everything else he said because it was what I wanted to hear.
Letting go of this anger was not easy, but I have let it go. There are times when the negative feelings do creep up on me, but I just remind myself that it only hurts me and Jonathan. Then I think of all the wonderful things that have come from this situation, and let it go.