According to a recent survey, parents are stating that children are not the biggest source of personal fulfillment in their marriages and they are actually one of the least cited factors for why their marriages are successful. The study, took into account the separate views that people have of children and marriage. In it, the parents surveyed were passionate about their children (boys and girls) but they did not link them to the firmament upon which their relationship is based.
I’m going to interject my own two cents here, because a little over two years ago, my husband and I experienced some serious marital strife. It was the first time that we seriously contemplated separating and potentially ending our relationship as man and wife. However, in the course of this discussion as we tried to work out our problems and how we could handle them without hating each other – we determined three things:
- We would not stay together JUST for our daughter because eventually resentment would get petty and she’d be subject to it
- Our relationship with each other was IMPORTANT to us and we needed to reconnect on many levels, but our friendship needed work to make the rest of the marriage work
- Practically, our daughter is a product of our relationship and our caring for each other – not the other way around – we could not and will not base our marriage success on her existence
So I can definitely see where this study is coming from.
According to the study, what defined the glue of a successful marriage were not the children it produced but instead:
- Faithfulness
- Good sexual relations
- Sharing household chores
- Good income
- Low debt
- Good home
- Shared interests and Tastes
Does that sound unreasonable to you? What do you think? What makes your marriage successful? Do you attribute it to raising your kids together or having kids? Or to these other factors? Don’t get me wrong, being a parent is fantastic, I wouldn’t trade it for anything – but I’m a mother and a wife – different sticks measure both. What about you?