As parents, it’s only natural to worry about our kids. We want them to do well in school, get into the best college, land that great job, marry Mr. or Mrs. Right and produce a bundle of cute grandkids. Unfortunately, sometime we become overly concerned and our bodies suffer, we become stressed worrying about our kids. Xandria Williams, who writes extensively about the mind-body connection, talks about how worrying about the welfare of others creates undue stress in our lives. Especially, when we worry unnecessarily about our adult children.
This stress can manifest itself into serious health concerns like ulcers, high blood pressure and heart problems. Williams points out that many parents blame themselves for bad things that happen in the lives of others. For instance, if their daughter’s marriage falls apart, they may blame themselves because they had a “bad feeling” about their son-in-law. Or feel that somehow they should have been able to protect their child from the inevitable pain of a broken marriage.
A parent might take the blame if their child is not able to get their dream job, feeling that maybe if they had been able to send their child to a private school or a more prestigious college, perhaps the job would have been his.
Of course, most rational parents realize that they are not to blame for every bad or unpleasant thing that happens in their child’s life. Williams points out that some people feel it is their responsibility to make sure that the lives of others work out for the best. She adds that the irony is in many cases the added stress we place ourselves under can cause added tension in the lives of the very people whose lives we feel responsible for. They may feel stressed out because of the stress they feel they are causing you, for example.
Williams suggest that we “give other people their freedom.” This may be hard for some parents to accept but we have to realize that at some point we are no longer responsible for our kids. We should care about their welfare but we also have to step back and let them live their own lives which includes making their own mistakes, experiencing failure and pain. We have to trust that our kids will be able to bounce back from whatever knocks them down.
See also:
Helicopter Parents: Are They Going Too Far?
Stop Doing For Your Kids What They Can Do For Themselves