I spend a lot of time talking about marriage problems, early marriage and even some about the affects on couple in mid-marriage. But what about the couple that has shared a long life together and raised children? At some point, when a married couple has children they stop being a couple in the traditional sense of the word. They become parents. They become family. They are partners and they are spouses, but they are not actually a ‘couple.’
So when their kids grow up, how do they become a couple again?
When children grow up and leave home, it can generate anxiety in both parents. Often referred to as empty-nest syndrome, it is a time for parents to re-evaluate what they do with their daily lives as they endure what can be a painful transition.
First and foremost, you accept that you’ve done a good job. When your kids are grown and ready to leave the home, you’ve prepared for this day all their lives. The final stage in that development is to accept it is essential for those children to leave. If you’ve been the primary caregiver all their lives, you may find there are a lot of empty hours in the day.
One way to help compensate for that is to pull out some pen and paper and make a list of all the things you as a couple wanted to do, but couldn’t when the children were younger. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to renovate some area of the house. Perhaps there was a vacation you always planned to take. Perhaps you wanted to go back to school yourselves.
What’s important about some of these activities is that you do them together. Once the initial feeling of missing having your children there passes, you will discover anew sense of freedom that comes from having all your time to yourselves. Allow yourself a period of adjustment and stay in touch with your kids; this can help alleviate some of the feelings associated with missing them.
If you can afford to, take a week or so to yourselves and definitely go on vacation. Spend quality time with each other – some couples even start to ‘date’ again. This allows them to get to know each other all over again when they don’t have to worry about getting home to make sure the kids did their homework or to pay the babysitter.
Stay out till 1 a.m. and be a little bit crazy. Rediscovering life after the kids are gone can be a fun and challenging prospect – do it together.