I want my kids to know that I am a flawed, fallible, human being who makes mistakes. I also want them to know that I’m the authority in our house and our family. It may seem like this is a paradox, that these things are mutually exclusive—but in reality, a parent has to do both, we have to be both human and unflappably “in charge.” The trick, of course, is pulling it all off with some semblance of grace…
A parent who tries to paint a picture of perfection is really asking for trouble. Eventually, you are going to fall down off that pedestal and it can be a rather traumatic family crisis. If you play perfect and your child figures it out, he will either distrust you and you will lose your credibility, or it can shake his sense of security. On the other hand, if you are open and comfortable with being a flawed, ordinary human, your child benefits in several ways.
First, she sees that making mistakes is fine and human and you can model a comfort level with NOT having to be perfect. Secondly, your child learns that everything doesn’t have to be perfect in order to feel happy and secure. My kids have told me that they know that no matter what, when the chips are down, I will take care of them and hold things together. This is, in spite of the fact that I have not always made the most obviously fabulous decisions or done things “like everybody else.” It deepens their sense of security and stability by making it NOT dependent on my being a perfect statue super-mom (or “stuper-mom” as my son always called it.)
With our imperfection, we can show our kids that we are working on things, but that a person can still do what needs to be done, can still take care of a family and manage to all sorts of wonderful things in life—even if she’s just an ordinary, flawed human being.
Also: Let Go of Your Perfectionism
Allowing Your Own Parenting Style to Emerge
Are You Passing on Perfectionism?