Years ago, when I was married and had the very young children (babies and preschoolers), most of my every-day friends were other young couples. It just sort of evolved and happened that way since we had so much in common and I didn’t have so much in common with my single, unmarried and un-partnered friends any longer. As a single parent, I don’t have as many couple friends, and instead have found that my life has evolved to include more single people. This is fine, but a single parent really needs other single parent friends and not just single person friends…
Diversity is good, and it can be really positive to have other parents with children in our lives regardless of whether they are married or not, but no one really understands the realities of single parenthood like another single parent. As much as I enjoy having older, single friends who aren’t part of a “couple” for perspective—most of these people are individuals who either don’t like or want children, or got so wrapped up in other parts of their lives that they never really got around to having kids. They do single adult things—go on adult-only vacations, do “grown-up” events, have plenty of discretionary income and time, and they aren’t always lacking in judgment when it comes to my parenting, my teenagers, or family life. So we need other single parents in our lives because they “get it.”
It takes another single parent to understand your priorities and perspective, why you might not want to get out there and date, and why an evening with a group of forty-somethings showing pictures of their most recent cruises might actually seem boring compared to reading picture books with your child. It also takes another single parent to understand what it is like trying to co-parent with an ex, incorporate a new step-parent or your ex’s new “friend” into your child’s life, or the effort and joy of actually taking yourself out for a manicure and spending a little bit of money on yourself.
Single parents need other single parents, so if your life is lacking in at least one trusted single parent friend, it might be worth your while to find a “Parents Without Partners” group or befriend that other single parent in your child’s class. It doesn’t hurt to have a broad, diverse support system and social circle, but I think it takes a single parent to really understand the life of a single parent.
Also: Single Parents: Same Worries as Married Parents–Different Reasons
Let Go of Feeling Like a Victim
Being a Mentor and an Example to Other Single Parents