No one would argue that being a parent is not a hard job but sometimes we make the job harder by “catastrophizing”. In her book, Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juicebox author Ann Dunnewold says that catastrophizing is the tuning in to danger and thinking about the worst that could happen. It’s always imagining the worst-case scenario and never looking on the bright side. Parents who catastrophize worry constantly about “what-if’s”. We all worry about the safety of our family but these parents worry all the time and this worry hinders healthy family relationships.
I remember when Tyler was a baby I worried if he was eating, sleeping and pooping “normally”. All new mothers have these concerns. However, I didn’t think the worse. If he was running a fever, I took steps to bring it down. I didn’t imagine that he would have a seizure and die. I worry about him now when he’s not with me but again I don’t think about the worse thing that could happen to him.
A cousin to the catastrophizing parent is the “awfulizer”. Dunnewold says that awfulizing is a slightly tempered version of catastrophizing. In this case, parents think about how awful an outcome might be. A situation might be dangerous, for instance, but not unbearable. But in the mind of the awfulizer, it would be.
Both catastrophizing and awfulizing are overexaggerations of the negative. Parents feel miserable and out of control. They tend to use phrases like “what if” and “I can’t stand it.” Even when we say to our kids, “I can’t stand to listen to you whine any more,” we are awfulizing. Yes, it’s irritating to listen to a kid whine on and on but it never killed anyone.
Dunnewold says that deep breaths and straight thinking is the way to help parents deal effectively with the trials of parenting. Replace negative thinking with positive mantras like, “So what?” and “No big deal,” and you will be well on your way to being a more positive parent.
See also:
Do You Suffer From One More-it is?
Single Parents: Different Worries