Once children graduate from the preschool, “time out” phase, the world of discipline can open up for a parent. One of the tried and true methods for many families is the taking away of privileges. This could mean restricting activities, taking away items or possessions, or “grounding.” But, like all discipline techniques—it doesn’t work for every child and it isn’t always appropriate. AND, it can be overused and lose its effectiveness.
I think that any discipline technique loses its effectiveness when it is overused. Often, taking away privileges becomes the ONLY thing that parents do and eventually, a child learns how to play to the system or just starts doing what he wants to do anyway and finding increasingly sneaky ways to do it. In order for taking away privileges to work, it must be something that the child values and it must be a logical consequence. Taking away a bicycle from a child who never rides her bicycle doesn’t make a lot of sense. I have a child who seldom watches television. Restricting her television viewing just isn’t a deterrent or even a reasonable restriction for her. She doesn’t care and it doesn’t have any value to her. Taking way her iPod is much more powerful.
Timing should be carefully considered in using the removal of privileges as a discipline technique. How long is reasonable and effective? The length of time should be connected to the severity of the infraction. But it should also be something that you can reasonably enforce as the parent. Can you REALLY enforce a grounding of 2 months? There are so many unpredictables and so many opportunities for you to lose your focus and commitment that it is far better to have a shorter duration that you follow-through on, than to issue a longer punishment and then ease up.
I imagine that removing privileges will continue to be a mainstay in the parenting toolbox. Used well, it can be incredibly effective—just be sure to mix things up, follow through, and keep things as logical as possible.
Also: Ask Yourself–Is This Behavior Intentional?
It is Okay to Be Diverse With Discipline