I know better than to get started on “the lecture.” My kids are old enough that I have had plenty of time to learn that lectures don’t work and I usually feel worse after a long-winded lecture anyway. So, why can’t I stop? What is it about parenthood that makes us cling to the antiquated and pointless lecture?!
I remember watching television shows like “The Brady Bunch” and “Leave it to Beaver” in syndication and reruns when I was a kid. I remember thinking how amazingly calm and productive those parent lectures were. I also remember than whenever my own parents launched into the lecture, my mind would drift, I would tune them out and I would be counting the sparkles in our popcorn ceiling waiting for the droning sound of their voices to stop. Now, as a parent myself, I find myself lecturing even though I know from both experience and practicality that it is not improving matters with my kids one little bit.
Recently, my son told me a very funny “lecture” story–he said that he was over at his dad’s house and he heard his dad in another room of the house going through a lecture spiel. He heard him say all the things that he always says to my son when he’s in the midst of a good lecture–same clichés, same tone of voice, same pauses. My son thought that his dad was “practicing” up for what he was going to say to him when he finally came into his room but, after some time passed and his dad didn‘t come, my son peeked into the room where his dad was “practicing” and realized he was talking on the phone to my daughter–according to my son, he was saying all the same things that he says in “all his lectures.” I had to chuckle, I’m sure I have my “pat speeches” too and even though I know they really aren’t doing any good, I can’t seem to let them go…
Also: Are You Giving a Lecture or Having a Discussion?