It is no coincidence that the usual English translation for Yom Kippur, or Day of Atonement, contains the words “at-one” ment. When we atone or ask forgiveness, we are re-establishing a relationship or revitalizing a unity with someone else. This is just as true concerning G-d’s forgiveness and that of our friends and neighbors.
This is the time of year to make an accounting of all of our deeds in the past year and to decide where we owe and what our assets are. Spiritual debts need to be repaid and transgressions need to be forgiven. If we have made mistakes concerning religious law or feel we have offended G-d, we should repent through prayer or giving charity (preferably both.) But if we have wronged another person, or if someone else perceives that we have wronged them, it is not enough simply to ask G-d for forgiveness, we need to ask the person we have wronged, because only he or she can forgive.
It is customary during these times to approach people we feel we might have offended and to ask forgiveness. One need not ask forgiveness from someone who is unaware we have wronged them, but rectifications must be made in these situations, depending on the transgression. It is a good idea to visit the person, but a phone call will suffice. You should state clearly what it is you feel you may have done and sincerely ask for forgiveness. Most people will readily forgive. In the rare case a person does not forgive, you should ask again. Once you have asked a third time, you need not ask for forgiveness from them anymore. It is not considered proper to withhold forgiveness from a person, and therefore, the grudge is the problem of the grudge-bearer and not the person who is trying to apologize.
As they say in the synagogues “Repent now and beat the Yom Kippur Holiday Rush!” Just as my friend Kelly from FlyLady suggests a “clean as you go” approach, why not adopt a “Repent as you go” policy for the upcoming year and immediately apologize when realizing mistakes? It saves all those phone calls before Yom Kippur!