It has become quite common to hear parents telling children to use their “inside voices” when they are out and about in public places. The other day, however, when I was listening to a parent barking and snapping at a disagreeable toddler, I thought we parents might need to be reminded to use our “inside” voices as well—and, while we’re at it, we can practice using our “nice” voices too…
Now, I’m not talking about that syrupy sweet affected voice my kids used to call “mom’s fake work voice”—no, I’m really just talking about common kindness and speaking to our children like they are people. Would you really talk to the librarian, gas station attendant, grocery clerk, or whoever in that nasty voice we sometimes use with our kids? Now, even though I’ve gotten snippy a time or two with a service person who annoyed me, I’ve never been one to bark and bellow.
Several things can be accomplished when we use a “nice” voice with our kids—one, they are more likely to listen. I know it might seem like they will listen better if we yell, but they won’t—they’ll just tune us out and shut down in most cases. Secondly, we are modeling decent human behavior and showing our kids how we expect them to act. Thirdly, we feel better. Even if there may be a temporary moment of release when we lash out at our kids, overall, it feels pretty gross. Not only do we get dirty looks from other people around us, but we may need to apologize for being nasty and unreasonable (or if we don’t, we just “know” that we didn’t behave as well as we’d like.)
Now, I know that it isn’t possible to be perfect, and that parenting is tough—even the most patient of us loses our patience once in a while. But making an effort to use a “nice” genuine voice when talking with and parenting our kids just makes good parenting sense (and is decent human behavior to boot.)