In order for a child to have meaningful interactions with other human beings, to empathize, to relate, and to share, he or she must have a working “theory of mind.” When a child has “theory of mind” difficulties, he or she is likely to have severe deficits in communication both verbally and non-verbally. I believe it is important for parents to understand this concept as they help their children improve communication and socialization skills.
What is “Theory of Mind?”
The basic principles of theory of mind are these:
- I have a mind that thinks, forms opinions, and has feelings. Unlike all other creatures in the animal kindom, human beings have the capacity to understand that they have a thinking, feeling, functioning mind. We comprehend that we are not powered by instinct, and that we can ponder, contemplate, and decide. We also recognize that there is a world that exists outside of our thoughts and feelings. For a child, this might mean: “I am Jenny. I like bananas. I do not like green beans. I can do puzzles. My favorite sport is soccer. I like trucks better than dolls. I wish it didn’t rain today.”
- Other people have minds separate from mine that think, form opinions, and have feelings. We also understand that other human beings have minds that function separately from ours. For a child, this might mean: “That’s my brother Mike. He likes to roller-skate and play the piano. He hates taking a bath.”
- My mind is different from other people’s minds. Others might know or think differently than I do. They may like and feel different things than I do. As human beings we also comprehend that other human beings do not share our same values, opinions, ideas, and feelings. We are stimulated by expressing our individual preferences and opinions with others and acknowledging differences. For a child, this might mean: “I like swimming, but my brother is afraid of the water. He doesn’t want to play with me. He thinks dolls are dumb. Why is he sad? I’m not sad.”
For children with cognitive disabilities, and especially those on the autism spectrum, theory of mind can be difficult. Sometimes these special children are trapped in their all-consuming thoughts which literally become their reality. It’s hard for them to break free and acknowledge the feelings of others. This is a tremendous barrier to communication. How can a child empathize with another child if he can’t comprehend the other child has thoughts and feelings of her own?
My child is locked in his own universe, and doesn’t understand that others have feelings. What can be done?
Parents can help children develop theory of mind in a number of ways. The best strategy would be to use floor time play therapy sessions (read my five-part series), and pre-arranged play dates to slowly teach the child to tolerate and accept the presence of others, then to share, take turns, and slowly acknowledge his own feelings and those of others. He needs to learn to recognize facial expressions and social cues and what they mean, and to build a meaningful vocabulary to communicate with.
Theory of mind is fundamental—something so basic that most of us take it for granted. But our special-needs kids may require additional teaching and training to gain this foundation upon which they can build meaningful social relationships.
See my blog, “The Ladder of Cognitive Skills for Special Needs Kids” for more information.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
