Have you ever caught yourself using that old parents’ chestnut: “I can talk until I’m blue in the face!” and it is probably true—there are times when you can talk, lecture, threaten, and cajole until you ARE blue in the face—but if the child isn’t present and willing to listen and make a change, the change is NOT coming…
I have come to be a big believer in the role of willingness on the part of anyone—it might be one of my children, it might be me, or a coworker, family member, etc. Things may seem incredibly clear to me and I know exactly what I want and/or need my child to do, but unless he or she is willing and he or she is open to hearing what I have to say or trying to make a change, things are not going to shift.
This isn’t to say that I don’t keep trying! I do believe that eventually at least some of what I say will sink in—or what often happens is weeks or month pass and one of my kids comes up to me with an epiphany—never mind that he or she has just figured out something that I was barking about for months! It just so happens that the time was right and the willingness was there and the lesson was learned.
I do think that we parents can be a little “tricky” when it comes to willingness—there are times when are kids are more and less likely to hear what we say. If we are in an argument or a power struggle, there is no way that they are going to embrace our advice! If there are acting snarky or defensive or involved in something completely different, they are not likely going to hear what we have to say either. Waiting for a time when the child is open, when we are feeling calm and relaxed, and the situation in “uncharged” there may be more willingness on the part of everyone.
Also: Take Time to Just Observe
If I Could Only Stop Lecturing