One of the results of going through a crisis or a major life transition (something big like a divorce, separation or death) is that we can get immobilized and afraid to make decisions. As single parents, we may feel like we have made poor decisions in the past and how one earth can we trust ourselves to make decent ones now? Especially now?! In reality, making decisions and choices is what can get us OUT of that feeling of immobilized fear. Confidence and self-esteem come from taking charge of our own lives and that means making decisions.
This lesson is one that I have had to re-learn again and again. Most recently, it was one of my children who reminded me that the key to living positively and staying engaged in the world is to continue to make decisions and choices—no matter how small. Sure, we might make more mistakes! And we surely won’t be thrilled with the results of every decision we make, but sitting back passively because we are afraid to take the risk of making a decision isn’t helping things either.
I think single parents are especially susceptible to this immobilizing fear of making decisions—we may feel like we don’t have any back-up or we can’t afford to take a wrong turn. But we are just ordinary living humans who certainly can and will make decisions that turn out the way we’d like, and those that don’t. There isn’t a quota that we have used up just because we’ve made some decisions and choices that didn’t go well in the past. In order to move forward and take control of our lives at this point, we have to start making decisions and making choices—start with the little things (where to shop for groceries, whether to go out or eat in, what movies to get at the video store) and then you can start moving up to the big ones. We can’t truly live unless we start making those decisions again!
Also: The Process of Learning to Trust Again
Doing What You Need to Do, Even When You’re Scared