Well, no, it’s not really all your fault. But I bet it made you look to see what you were being blamed for today. Sadly, we are all blaming ourselves for something. Sometimes we make bad choices. Sometimes we make bad decisions. And sometimes, life just happens to be bad.
Did you know that 50% of all FIRST marriages end in divorce? That’s an astounding statistic. I really didn’t think it was that high. So 50% of people, who get married for the first time, are likely to have a divorce. It makes you think that second marriages probably do better. Nope. 70% of those end in divorce.
Why?
Because history repeats itself and you and I and everyone else repeats their own mistakes. How do we do that? If you’ve ever had the thought that if your spouse would just change one thing, everything would be perfect — then you are making a mistake. I can’t change someone. You can’t change someone. They have to choose to change for him or herself.
I don’t know how many people I’ve known over the years who said that, and I quote: I thought he or she would change/improve/stop/not do/etc when we got married.
Think about that statement for a minute. Have you ever looked at your spouse and wondered where did the person you married go? It’s extremely likely they haven’t gone anywhere. There are so many personality traits and quirks that we forgive in our friends, dates and boyfriend/girlfriends that we just find intolerable in our spouses.
For example, my husband is a social butterfly. He loves people. He loves to entertain. When I say loves it, I mean he loves it. I knew this when we were seeing each other. I knew it when we lived together. I even knew it when we got married, hence the big wedding when I was more interested in something smaller – like a Las Vegas Chapel.
Anyway, the point is – that social aspect of him is incredibly appealing and is very much a part of who he is. I knew this when we got married and despite the fact that it drives me crazy at times, I can hardly justify wanting him to change. We end up compromising a lot, but if I’d married him thinking I could change him, I would have been wrong and we would likely be miserable! The only person you can change is and how you deal with your behavior.