I wrote earlier today about the special boundary issues with grandparents that single parents can face. In this second part of the “Grandparent-Single Parent Relations” series, I want to focus in on the relationships—those between the grandparents and the children, and between single parents and grandparents. It can be such a life-affirming blessing to have involved grandparents in your life and your child’s life, but relationships can be strained and troubled after a separation, death, or divorce.
Relationships change and evolve, and it can really depend on the situation and the circumstances surrounding your family at any given moment. How you come to your role as a single parent and all the drama and stress that has already gone down can really influence how grandparent-single parent relationships evolve too. Sometimes it can take some time before things can be pleasant. I think it is important, however, to try to keep the focus on healthy relationships and what is best for the children. Even if you cannot interact with a particular grandparent, if they are appropriate and loving with the child—then that relationship should not be severed.
On the flip side of the coin, there is nothing wrong with maintaining a close relationship with your ex’s parents after a divorce or separation. I have known many single parents who were surprised to find that they continued to stay very connected with their ex in-laws and that the family and children benefited from the civil, loving relationships that remained.
As a rule, you should expect that the relationships will change over time. Grandparents are important to a family and relationships with their grandparents will be important to your children as well. Keep the focus on what is healthy and best for the children and expect that grandparent relations will take some work and effort on your part too.
Also: Grandparents Parenting
Grandparent-Single Parent Relations–Part One–Boundaries