My children each have a few friends whose divorced families are divided by cities and states—the child lives with one parent for most of the year and then goes to visit the noncustodial parent for holidays and vacations. I often write about co-parenting as though parents live in the same town since that is my experience, but I know that plenty of families are divided by more than a few streets or miles.
I think it takes extra effort for parents to stay cooperative on child issues when there is some distance between you. Divorced, separated, or never partnered parents may be living completely different and separate lives and the one who is far away is missing out on day-to-day decisions and parenting realities. This may not be ideal, but it is the way of things for many single parent families.
I know that in my state, noncustodial parents can get all the school mailings if they request them—so if you are living in a different state (or your child’s other parent is), you can still receive report cards, progress reports, and newsletters. It really is up to the parent, however, to try to stay involved in the child’s life from afar—phone calls, e-mails, and other means of communication can help, but the effort has to be made.
The more care and attention spent in trying to keep in touch during the times when you are not with the child can help make the visits more pleasant. If the child doesn’t feel like he’s visiting a stranger every time, the connection can be stronger and the child will feel more secure. I’ve noticed with my own children’s friends, those who stay connected via phone, e-mail, the web, etc. with their long-distant parent, seem to be more excited about the holiday and vacation visits and feel that parent is more of a presence in their lives.
Also: Drop-In Visits From the Other Parent
This May be a Hard Time for the “Summers Only” Parent