Recently, one of my children was embarking on a scary, new endeavor. It was something pretty big and I asked, “Are you nervous?” My child answered with amazing honesty and candor, “Mother, I’ve been nervous since the second grade.” And, it is true. This is a child who is naturally prone to anxiety and nervousness—but over the years, has learned how to manage and have some self-awareness about how to deal with this natural personality tendency.
I have met other parents of “anxious” kids and many of us started out trying to just MAKE our children get less anxious. But this isn’t really something we can do as parents. We can, however, help our children learn how to recognize what makes them nervous and anxious, and learn coping skills for getting through and settling themselves down. After all, they are going to have to live in their own skin for a very long time.
Instead of saying “Stop worrying” or “Why do you have to get so nervous about everything”—our understanding and acceptance can go a long way. After all, they would probably stop those overwhelming feelings of anxiety and nervousness if they could! It is not a fun way to feel about the world or to feel about themselves. Instead, teaching them how to recognize their triggers and have compassion for themselves and the way they are made can be far more productive. As can teaching them how to breathe through the anxiety, do things that help them to release some of it (for my child, going for walks and making healthy food choices help, as does keeping life as simple as possible.) Children who wrestle with anxiety can actually develop increased self-esteem through self-acceptance and by learning how they can quiet the anxiety themselves. It keeps them from feeling immobilized or victimized and lets them continue to move around in the world and take chances, even though it might make them nervous.
Also: Teaching Kids to Calm Themselves
Who Needs the Attitude Adjustment–You or Me?