November is National Adoption Month. In honor of this month’s emphasis on educating people about adoption, I am offering a personal “Top Ten” list of myths I hear about adoption, and my responses.
1. Myth: Adoption has become an activity for the wealthy only.
Reality:
• Adopting from the foster care system is free, and the children often continue to receive a subsidy for medical and other necessary care. Contrary to popular belief, there are infants to be adopted this way.
• International Adoption has many up-front costs, but these are usually substantially offset by the $10,000 tax credit and by the adoption subsidies which many employers offer.
• Through the generosity of donors, funds—both no-strings grants and zero-interest loans—are often available for the international adoption of children with special needs. Sometimes these needs are relatively simple.
2. Myth: Adoption is terribly emotionally risky because you are always afraid that the birthparent(s) will try to take the child back.
Reality: This happens very seldom. Depending on the state, birthparents have as little as 48 hours after the birth to change their minds.
3. Myth: Birthmothers don’t care about their kids.
Reality: Many birthparents feel a lot of pain after the adoption. They want to assure their children that they were loved and assure themselves that the child is safe. For more background on international child abandonment, click here.
4. Myth: Mostly girls are released for adoption from sending countries.
Reality: This is true in China but not other countries. Overall there is a longer waiting list of those wishing to adopt girls than for boys. Even China has some boys with minor medical needs waiting for adoption.
5. Myth: Sending countries don’t care about these children.
Reality: Many countries are working hard to promote adoption within their own country. They have minimum standards (different in each country) for adoptive parents’ health, finances, number of children, and marital stability; based on what they think offers the child the best home. While we may disagree about some of these standards, they are well-meant. The Korean social workers looked into my two chronic health conditions very carefully to ascertain that they did not impair my ability to parent. I am always surprised when someone asks (in front of my daughter), “Why would they care as long as they don’t have to pay to take of her anymore?”
Please see this related blog:
“Exporting” Children?