I admit it: my twins throw temper tantrums in public. Few parents I think escape the embarrassment of public temper tantrums. I actually don’t mind them that much. I try to look at it as an opportunity to show my girls that I love them, but that I am mom and what I say goes. It’s an important lesson that all children must learn. It is not a democracy but a monarchy. Soon my twins will learn what their older siblings figured out long ago: it is not my way or the high way. . .it is my way.
Sometimes I’m asked how I insist they obey and the answer is simple: I don’t let them get their way. On one occasion that meant spending an entire hour listening to Laura cry while she was strapped in the stroller. One nanny said it was mean of me to let her twin run around while she clearly wanted to get out. After all, she’s only two.
But I communicated to Laura that day that I love her. I communicated that I was going to keep her safe. I did it without yelling, but with a clear and decisive consequences. I even let her out a few times to give her another opportunity to obey. But I also communicated that disobedience was not an option. I am okay with being mean.
And apparently now, there’s research to back up us “mean” moms. A study was recently published that showed a correlation between parenting toddlers and adolescents’ behavior. Who’d have thought that active parenting while your child is a toddler would lead to well behaved teenagers? (I really wonder how some of these scientists decide to study these things.)
The study suggested that parents who had well behaved teens, dealt with the terrible two’s using firm (but of course loving) and consistent authority. To me, it seems common sense that parents need to let their kids know that there are clear and consistent consequences for their actions.
If you tend to allow your child’s misbehavior because “he’s just a toddler” I would pose this question for you to think about:
If toddler behavior is acceptable because he’s a toddler, at what age do you plan to start teaching that actions have consequences?