So, men who respect and love their mothers make great husbands. That was a blurb in an article I read on relationships recently. Apparently social studies on relationships have uncovered this kernel of information. The article basically says that if a man has a poor or inadequate relationship with his mother or maternal figure, that he will not make a good husband. He will be too busy trying to replace that which he lacks rather than respecting and loving his wife.
Ooookay.
I can see where the article is coming from, but let’s talk about what respect is. When you respect someone – you value their opinion, give weight to their input and accept their differences. Respect does not judge, devalue, ignore or degrade. So how do you know if a man respects his mother?
Well, first and foremost, how does he talk about her? How does his relationship with her appear on the surface? Does he tease her? Does he dismiss her? Does he listen when she talks? How does he take her input?
While I think the study may have some validity, I do not think you can generalize any person’s relationships by basing it on one facet. For example, yes you should respect your parents. You were likely raised to not talk back to them or treat them poorly. But if you really disagree with them, is it disrespectful to say so? What is the greater wrong, the man who pays lip service to an idea and blatantly tunes it out when not in contact or the man who says nope, don’t agree and that’s a stupid suggestion?
Actually, I think it’s a little bit of both and I’m more likely to respect someone who is honest about their opinions than I am about someone who is not. When it comes to marriage, you need trust, faith, respect and love. If one of these areas is damaged, for whatever reason, your marriage is going to be stressed.
A good husband is not perfect. He’s someone who is willing to grow. A good wife is not perfect. She is someone who is willing to grow. A good marriage is about compromise, communication, and understanding and to a point, even disagreements. It’s how you handle all of those that really matter. If a couple talks all the time, but one party or the other doesn’t really listen or hear them, they are not communicating.
If a spouse tells you they understand, but really they don’t and they aren’t likely too but they’d rather just not say so, that’s not understanding. If a spouse’s idea of compromise is either your way or theirs with nothing in the middle – that’s not compromise. If your spouse tells you one thing and says something completely different to other parties, that’s not respect.
R. E. S. P. E. C. T.
- Relations
- Emotions
- Socialization
- Personalization
- Evaluations
- Communications
- Trust
All of those are the aspects of respect that you need in your marriage. Ideally, your spouse will respect their parents. But their relationship may be more complicated and require a deeper understanding than what can be observed on the surface.
Who let’s the dogs out?