Often, family counseling for the single parent family does not just include the one parent. When the child is involved or there are issues residual from the divorce or separation, counseling may require that both parents are involved. This can be challenging and require that we find a way to cooperate with our child’s other parent for the good of the family or of the child.
Of course, I am not a counselor or therapist, but have found that as a single parent—cooperation with the ex or the other parent can be challenging in all sorts of situations, and family counseling (or counseling specifically for a child or the children) can bring up all sorts of sensitive issues and reactions. In my own experience, I have found that it helps to let the other parent know about the intentions for family therapy before the first meeting. This way it doesn’t come as a big surprise and he or she can work through personal issues and decide if he or she is willing and able to participate. Of course, there will be family situations where the ex or other parent cannot be party to the counseling—but where his or her cooperation is needed I think it helps to start early.
I have also found that the counselor or therapist is often willing to serve as intermediary. This can be extremely helpful if you find you just cannot communicate productively with the other parent. They may be able to have separate meetings or sessions so that the two of you don’t have to actually meet. I have experienced family counseling where we did both—met all together, and met separately—it just depends on the policies of the counseling center or therapist you work with and what turns out to be best for your family.
It can also be helpful to keep the focus on the child or children. I find that when in doubt, or when cooperation and communication with the children’s father is trying, focusing on what the children need and what is best for them can help pull me through. In the case of cooperating around family counseling, having that third, objective entity there to keep the focus on healing can be helpful.
Also: Family Counseling–Feeling Vulnerable
Should You Consider Professional Mediation?
Developing a Communication Style That Works with the Ex