Earlier today I was reading a book and about halfway through, realized that all of the headings started with the word “Don’t”—this caused me to think of parenting and how I have always had much better luck motivated my children when I told them what they COULD do and what was expected of them from a positive standpoint, instead of focusing on saying “No,” “Don’t” and telling them what they COULDN’T do…
While I am not one of those parents who believes that children should never hear the word “No”, I do acknowledge that they respond better to positive words than they do negative ones. By giving them choices and letting them know what is permissible, they seem to be less likely to rebel and buck against the things they cannot do: “Are you planning to be home by 11:30 pm or 12?” seems to work far better than “Do not be home after midnight!”
I think this advice works well with things other than discipline as well. By focusing on skills, talents and capabilities that the child does do well, instead of pointing out what she does not, the focus stays very positive and encouraging. None of us wants to hear other people tell us what is “wrong” with us, or what we do poorly, or the mistakes we’ve made—don’t we all respond much better to situations where people encourage us and point out what we do well? Not to mention, too much negativity can affect our sense of self worth and self-esteem.
Coming at parenting and our relationship with our child from a positive perspective does not mean that we don’t set limits and expectations, we just let them know what they can do, what they are allowed to do, and focus on those positives, instead of setting up a lot of “nos” and negatively closed doors.
Also: Saying Things You Regret