I was talking with a friend recently and she asked me if I saw myself as being able to ever “partner” or share my life with someone again after flying solo all these years. While I started to feel a little put out or offended for a minute, I then realized that it was a decent question and something worth thinking about. I would like to think that I am not unlovable or someone who is destined to spend my life alone—but on the other hand, I HAVE grown incredibly used to independence and flying solo on all major and minor choices and decisions—it might be hard for me to ever give up that autonomy and independence. It is kind of addictive…
I’ve got to tell you—I LIKE having my own bank account and being able to make all the decisions about purchases and investments. There isn’t someone else to sabotage a budget or spend money on things I’m not excited about. There also isn’t someone to have an opinion about how I dress or make joint plans without consulting me. Even though parenting and family life are my main focus, I still feel like I have choices and my time and priorities are my own and that has become something I really cherish.
I don’t mean to focus on only the negative side-effects of partnering, but perhaps it is my personal experiences that have shaped those opinions. I’m sure I have this in common with other single parents—once we have wrestled our autonomy back and gotten quite used to being in charge of our own lives, it CAN be hard to think of giving that up. I suppose I may need to try to think of what the positives are for partnering if I am ever going to be able to even think about giving up any of my independence and autonomy.
Also: There Are Other “Relationships”
If I’m Not Partnered, Why Don’t I Feel Single?