Just a couple days ago, I was chatting with a group of colleagues about the pending holidays. Someone asked me if I still did “stockings” for my kids even though they were older, nearly-grown teenagers. “Of course!” I answered happily. It was followed up with what appeared to be the accidentally insensitive: “Does anyone fill your stocking?” Well, I admit that I felt that typical momentary self-consciousness that we single parents get used to before I answered with as much self assurance as I could muster: “Nope. I’ve been a single parent for a long time and I’m quite used to it.” I could tell by the little group’s response that they didn’t believe me and were feeling a mix of pity and “thank goodness it’s not me and what is wrong with her?”
The truth is, I AM used to it. It just is not a big deal to me. I processed the letting go of those romantic ideals and societal definitions of what a family/holiday/life should look like a long time ago. I neither need to be rescued, nor taken care of, nor feel particularly disgruntled to be on my own. When my kids were little, and we were still doing the Santa thing full on, I DID fill my stocking with little trinkets and toothbrushes–now it just isn’t such a big deal. But the insensitive question DID make me think of all of you and all of the other single parents out there who might be new to the scene or having a really hard time adjusting to NOT having someone fuss over them during the holidays.
Hang in there! I think it does get easier and I have found that focusing on my kids, on enjoying the season, and doing for others is what makes my holiday season worth while. I even get myself a little goodie or two in the process–a book, a new sweater–little gifts that I get for myself help me to feel festive and healthy and NOT deprived or forgotten during the season. Oh, and don’t watch too much television! All those sappy, romantic made-for-TV holiday movies and cliché jewelry commercials are NO help to a single parent this time of year!
Also: Allow for Last Minute
Are You Trying to Create or Recreate the Unattainable Fantasy?
Single Parent Holiday Memories