My son does not like change. His personality is such that he likes to keep things simple, comfortable and predictable. He likes some surprises, but he also likes routine. He is not someone I see as going out into the world and taking on all sorts of daring adventures and risks, he tends to really value good friends and family and it has been fun watching as he grows more and more into himself. HOWEVER, the downside is that his avoidance of change means getting him to get a new pair of shoes, a new coat, or even get his hair cut has always been a BIG challenge!
My son is a one-pair-of-shoes kind of guy. Unlike his sisters who want to have a different pair of shoes and a different scarf and jacket for every possible outfit–he likes it simple and practical. The last time I took him shoe shopping, it took bribing him with lunch out at Red Robin, including dessert to get him to go the one mile to the shoe store. We are having the same battle again. I’ve tried giving him money and/or gift cards, encouraging him to go with someone else–you name it. I can just see him as the adult with the duct tape around his shoes–not because he cannot afford new ones, but just because he gets comfortably attached to what he has and does not think he wants to have to “break in” another pair.
With younger kids, the bribes, threats, cajoling, and guilt trips can often work. By sixteen or so, they are pretty resistant to all of a parent’s tricks. I suppose that I just have to take my own advice and trust the process. Not to mention, I have to let go of my own self-consciousness around the whole thing (I am convinced people are looking at me as the “bad mom” because my son is wearing such tattered sneakers!). Eventually, he always gets new clothes and new shoes when he absolutely needs them–he just has to do it on his own terms.
Also: When Anxiety and Nervousness are Hard-Wired
Who Needs the Attitude Adjustment–You or Me?