I don’t know about you, but some of the toughest, most painful reality lessons I have had to learn in my life have been in the “relationship” arena–whether it is about friends, friendship, trust, respect, or even more intense lessons like forgiveness and how to let friendships and relationships go from my life–this has all been a major task of living for me. As a parent, there is NOTHING I would like more than to spare my children some of that pain, suffering and scarring that I have been through. I think that is why it is so difficult to realize that they are going to have to learn many of these lessons on their own too…
I think it is natural as parents that we really want our children to benefit from our wisdom and experience. That is one of the reasons it can feel so awful when they reject our wise offerings in favor of making their own attempts and mistakes. I wish I was so Zen and brilliant that I could understand exactly why my children have to go through some of the same exact painful relationship lessons that I had to–but I don’t know the “why” of it, I have only had to come to accept that is the way it is.
Instead of saving them from their own experiences, my job as a parent is to remain available, supportive, and nonjudgmental–not to mention tapping into some empathy from my own jagged path. Who among us wouldn’t love to save our child from experiencing being dumped by a friend or date? Wouldn’t we love to “teach” them all we have learned about jealousy, possession, loyalty and trust? While we can share our experiences and what we have learned, it is pretty much a “given” that they will have to learn many of these important relationship lessons on their own–not to mention that they may have completely different relationship “issues” than their parents have as well. We parents are not out of the picture, however, but we are not going to be able to do it for them.
Also: Patience and Empathy go Hand-in-Hand
Are Your Kids’ Friends Welcome at Your House During the Holidays?