We expect our children to treat us parents with respect–we want them to speak respectfully to us and learn how to behave in a respectful manner to other adults and people. However, how we treat them can model that same respectfulness we are trying to teach. Do we listen respectfully when our children try to talk to us or tell us how they feel? Do we listen to others respectfully? Respectful listening is important for adults and parents if we want our children to learn how to behave with respect too…
I have written before about how I believe that as parents, role modeling is one of our greatest tools. I believe it is impossible for us to expect values and behaviors from our children that we are unable or unwilling to work on and exhibit ourselves. Some of the strongest and most influential parents are those who lecture and speak less and just behave with more honor and integrity. I also think it matters how we treat our children–if we do not treat them with respect, how can we expect them to respect us? In fact, how can we expect them to feel confident and have the self esteem that healthy people need in order to not feel threatened or insecure around other people if we don’t show them we appreciate and respect them by listening to what they have to say?
Respectful listening as parents means that we allow our children to share their observations, requests, desires, and opinions and we listen with care and concern. This doesn’t mean that we give in or grant every desire and respond to every complaint our child has–but it does mean we don’t laugh, scoff, or ignore them. It means that we don’t tell them they “don’t know what they’re talking about” or call them names for offering up their opinions. Respectful listening is just one of the ways a parent shows their own self-esteem and lets a child know that he or she matters and is a separate, important person in his or her own right.
Also: Teaching Our Children Self-Respect
Teaching Your Toddler–What’s Respect?