As single parents, we can get wrapped up in focusing on our own emotions, recovery and socializing issues. We might overlook the fact that loneliness can be a universal feeling and our child or children might be experiencing some loneliness too…
Many of us look back and think of childhood as a time that is free from all sorts of grown-up worries and concerns, we might forget that there are a great many very strong emotions felt by the average child—let alone a child who has gone through any sort of crisis or loss. A child who has been through a divorce, separation, or a death of a parent can experience very strong feelings of loneliness. If you have moved to a new house or neighborhood, or had other big, life-changing events, children experience those changes and loss too.
When my children were younger, it always took a couple days for them to get back in the groove of things when they came back from their dad’s house and when they were over there, they would call me often—we missed each other and since they are on their own more at their dad’s house, they would still get lonely for “family stuff.” While I couldn’t fix everything for them, I could acknowledge that their feelings of loneliness were real and make myself available to help them feel connected and reasonably safe.
Loneliness can be experienced by children on a smaller scale too—long weekends, vacations, anything that takes them away from their usual routine or away from their friends and peers can make them feel a bit alone. Since loneliness is a major human condition, we cannot expect to eliminate it from our children’s lives, but we can help them learn how to cope and self-soothe and develop skills for combating those feelings in a healthy way. Plus, focusing in on how we can help our children learn to cope with lonely feelings can help us learn how to manage them in our own lives too.
Also: Lonely Wives
Loneliness is Normal (But Not Necessary)