I was reading a parenting book recently and it was very focused on the “traditional” two-parent home. One of the things the author stressed was how important and wonderful it is for children to see two adults who respect and love each other treat each other well in front of the kids. I couldn’t help but internalize some of this and mull it over from my single parent’s perspective. Not only would it be great if my kids could have seen me “treated well”—I wouldn’t have minded a little of that myself. In truth, it was the years of marriage where my kids were most likely to see me treated poorly and disrespected and now that they are nearly grown, I have to admit that they have had to grow up with out that “seeing me treated well”—at least by someone else.
Instead, my kids have watched me take care of myself and respect myself enough to eat well, spend time with friends, laugh and play, and be choosy about who I let into my “inner circle.” I can only hope that this accounts for something. So, while they haven’t had the benefit of watching someone else think their mom is wonderful, lovable, or worthy of respect and such—they have had the benefit of a mom who feels good about herself and commands respect and such through her own self-respect. I imagine there are plenty of two-parent families out there who are like I used to be—stuck in a marriage where they are not exactly cherished or worshiped or outwardly respected—what message does that send to their children?
So, now, years later, as I keep myself open to the elusive possibility that I might someday meet someone or re-partner, I do know that I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t treat me as well as I treat myself. AND, I cannot help but think that is a good thing to pass on to my kids too.
Also: What Not to Say to a Single Parent on a Date
Please Don’t Tell Single Parent to Stop Being Picky