In 1993 the opportunity arrived for me to shut up or put up. There was a woman by the name, or rather using the name, of Deborah Laake. She’d written a book called “Secret Ceremonies: Diary of a Mormon Wife” – a work of pure and sad delusion. This poor woman, if she told the complete truth, was at the mercy of a father who took unrighteous dominion to new levels. Whatever the perceived truth, she became extremely disenchanted with the church and proceeded to betray every covenant she’d half-heartedly made with the Lord.
Where do I come in? Well, in early April of 1993 I was curled up on my couch reading a book. The t.v. was on, but muted, and I was barely paying attention to it. This was a habit I had. I lived alone and there was some psychological benefit, of which I have no understanding, to having the t.v. on when I was alone. Anyway, back to the story, I was reading and happened to glance up at the television and saw, in white type across the bottom of the screen, the announcement that Deborah Laake would be appearing on the Phil Donahue Show. She’d come to my attention earlier in the week because of a friend who happened to be reading a magazine that revealed the temple ceremony. To the rest of the world, this would mean nothing. To Latter-day Saints it was horrifying to see something we hold so sacred displayed to a world who had little understanding of it.
I was at work the next morning and got the wild idea to send a letter to The Phil Donahue Show. Within the hour, and the help of my dear sister, Heather, I had the producer’s name and fax number. I wrote a cover letter and sent a copy of the letter I’d sent to a magazine earlier on the exact same subject. Within the hour my phone rang and I was on the phone with the producer. She seemed concerned and didn’t want me to be unhappy about the upcoming show. She said that she had two fine men from Salt Lake coming to appear on the show. Not to discount these men, but Deborah’s whole issue was men – I asked what the producer thought these men could do? There was no defense they could give because they were men, as good as they may be. Forty-five minutes later we called it good and ended the phone call amicably. That was a Friday morning.
On Monday morning, April 21, I received yet another phone call. The producer was still worried about my feelings and concerns. I was so puzzled by these conversations with her but had another pleasant phone call. It concluded much the same as the first. With Deborah Laake still appearing, the two men from Salt Lake still coming — all was still the same.
Early Tuesday morning I received a frantic call from the producer. Because the show had needed to be delayed (due to the Rodney King beating and the four cops were guests on the show on Monday) the two men from Salt Lake could no longer make the show. The producer asked if I would fly to New York City that day and appear on the show the next day in defense of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I told her I had to clear the time off with my boss and I would call her back in thirty minutes. He cleared it and I immediately went to find two co-workers to give me a blessing before I headed off. (One of the beauties of living in Utah.)
Truly, it had never crossed my mind that this was something I had been foreordained to do. But through the words of the blessing I learned that I had promised to do this and I would be protected throughout the entire process. It was a beautiful, powerful blessing with many more assurances and promises. Now, here’s the thing about me. When someone or something I love is attacked, I respond, aggressively. I worried that I would lose my temper and negate any and all good I might do. I was promised in the blessing that no word would proceed from my mouth that was not inspired by the Lord.
With this promise in hand, I left work, packed my bag, found a copy of the book and headed for the airport. With no thought other than I was Candace E. Sluyter (maiden name), Mormon woman, appearing on the Phil Donahue Show I flew out to New York on the late afternoon flight. Midway, I changed planes in Dallas and was able to spend 45 minutes, on the run from one end of the airport to the other, with my brother Cash, and his wife. I hadn’t seen him in so long that it was wonderful to have even that 45 minutes.
On that flight I read Deborah’s book and was no longer angry with her, simply very saddened by a woman who had allowed her perception of men to cost her what she should have prized most, her eternities with the highest reward. I also read the Ensign special issue on temples. The First Vision, one more time, and select scriptures until arriving in New York around midnight and my sweet driver drove me around the sites. I saw the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the World Trade Center and more, all at midnight.
April 23, 1993 – Morning came early. It was 5:00 a.m. and the taxis were honking (they really do honk all the time) and my eyes popped wide open. I finally groaned and rolled myself out of bed and stumbled to the shower. Throughout the morning as I prepared myself for the day, praying as I went through my daily routines. (By the way, you’d think a $400 a night hotel would have good room service – yuck!) As I went through the horror of realizing I’d forgotten my deodorant and paying $10.00 for some at the hotel gift shop (What a ripoff!) I called my mother and spoke to her for an hour or so, always strengthened by our conversations.
As the day progressed, slowly the impact of what I was about to do hit me and hit me hard! I wasn’t just going to be me, Candace Sluyter . . . to the world I would be The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The magnitude of the damage I could do, dropped me to my knees, literally.
I spent the next hour in the most fervent prayer I had ever offered in my life. I begged my Father in Heaven to please pierce the shield of fear which had surrounded me completely. You see, I had no doubt that He would send the words I needed to say, what I doubted was my ability to receive them with so much fear in my heart. As I prayed, my requests grew bold and suddenly I felt something at the top of my head and then it was as if I was being surrounded, from head to toe, with the most absolute love. I was enveloped in it and was literally breathless. The fear drained away and peace permeated by heart. Renewed, strengthened and ready to go I turned back to my scriptures.
Late in the morning, the producer from the Donahue Show called and went over all the questions and items Phil wished to discuss. I explained that I would not participate in any conversation regarding the temple ordinances and covenants. I explained it was very sacred to me and not something I felt appropriate to discuss in front of the world. The producer took note of my concerns and we concluded a very pleasant conversation.
At 2:45 p.m. I walked into the ABC studios across the street from the famous ice skating rink that had appeared in so many movies, even I was a little awed at what I was about to do. The Phil Donahue show aired in 52 countries (if I remember my numbers right) and I, Candace Sluyter from a tiny, tiny southwestern Colorado town, was about to appear on the world stage, so to speak, and defend one of the things I loved most, the gospel of Jesus Christ as it is taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
For years I had spoken in classes, at firesides and the like about the necessity for standing for what you believed in – in other words, defending who we are and what we’re about. Now it was time for me to put up or shut up. Oh baby, I put up.
As taping began, I found myself on the stage with three women. One was Deborah Laake, the author. Another woman was the founder of a feminist movement in the church and yet another had taken her name off the records. And then there was me.
As the show progressed, I found the answers to questions from both Phil Donahue and the audiences coming easily to me. I felt good. I felt strong. I felt capable of representing the Lord, the church and my family. It was not what I had intended when I flew to New York, but I was the sole representative of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in that room. As a lover of the gospel, as a studier of the scriptures and the gospel, information I had read years earlier or in passing in newspapers, magazines or heard in General Conference came easily to mind. Three disillusioned, hostile women tossed everything they could, and I never felt at a loss for words once.
As the show came to a conclusion Phil asked if we could stay after and continue to answer the audience’s questions because they had many more. After receiving approval from the four of us, he had us line up on the stage and the audience filed past asking question after question. I was asked so many questions regarding gospel doctrine, which fortunately, I was able to answer. Then and there, silently to myself, I vowed to always be prepared when questions regarding the gospel came to me.
After the questions concluding and a brief meeting in the green room, I was escorted outside and across the street to look at the ice skating rink while I waited for my driver. Suddenly I heard, “There she is!” I looked around and a crowd of people descended on me, the audience from the show. Questions came at me from every direction, I answered each and every one until my driver arrived and I was whisked away to the airport.
As my plane began the descent into Salt Lake City that night I felt a cessation of protection . . . which until that moment, I hadn’t realized how completely I had been surrounded by heavenly protectors. I whispered a prayer of thanks to my Father in Heaven for the opportunity, His protection, His guidance and His inspiration – for what could have been a total unmitigated disaster, turned into a triumph for the Lord.
The show aired that Friday and the phone calls began to pour in, the very first being from my now husband, Alvin. People from across the world called thanking me for standing for the gospel, for the priesthood and for the Lord. Men thanked me for giving them pride in being priesthood holders again and I knew, at that point, how much damage feminism had done to the men and women of the church.
The most startling moment after my trip to New York was a phone call I received one night. During that time in my life I started work at 6:00 in the morning (I think it was 6:00) and needless to say, I went to bed early, usually by 9:00 p.m. I’d been up for two weeks answering the phone every waking moment and speaking to people long into the night. I was exhausted and had retired early that evening in an attempt to catch up on lost sleep.
The next thing I remember is my sister shaking me awake saying I had a phone call. I mumbled to her, “Tell them to call back tomorrow.”
“Cahe (family name)! Wake up! You have to wake up! An apostle is on the phone!”
Oh, I woke up! Suddenly my brain was frantically replaying everything I’d said wondering what I’d done wrong. Apostles don’t call me, ever! I gingerly reached for the phone and was startled to hear Elder M. Russell Ballard on the phone. As the conversation continued I was horrified to hear that President Ezra Taft Benson along with all of the apostles had watched the show when it aired in Utah. Never, in my wildest imagination, would I have believed they would watch The Phil Donahue Show, even if the church was the topic. Elder Ballard proceeded to pay me a very beautiful compliment which deeply touched me and I remember to this day.
All in all, my experience in standing for truth and righteousness was an incredible one. It is an opportunity I still thank my Father in Heaven for and I have kept that promise I made. I continued to study the gospel, delving deeper into the scriptures, writings of prophets and apostles and those trusted theologians. I am what I am today because this experience spurred me to new heights.
Note: After suffering from breast cancer and depression, Deborah Laake died of an apparent suicide in February 2000. http://www.mormonstoday.com/000213/P2Laake01.shtml. Although Deborah’s account of the church, her understanding of temple ordinances were skewed, as was her understanding of eternal concepts, sadly, she truly believed what she’d written. I hope that she has found peace, for she certainly didn’t in life.