If you were part of a marriage or a couple prior to becoming a single parent, you might be used to making “joint” decisions or deferring to someone else when it comes to deciding what is going to happen and who is going to do what. As a single parent, we intellectually know that we have to be in charge, but many of us still abdicate to an ex-spouse, a parent, or someone we think knows more than we do. Not to mention, our confidence and self-esteem might have suffered some battering and bruising from recent events. Even if you have been through a death or other traumatic crisis on your path to becoming a single parent, taking the lead in your life may not feel like a natural process.
I learned to think of it this way: instead of being a supporting player in someone else’s movie, I had to learn how to be the “lead” in my own. This didn’t mean that other people didn’t matter–my children, their father, or any of the coworkers, friends, and other people that came into my life; and it certainly is not a way of advocating being immature or self-absorbed, but we do have to take center stage and take the lead on making choices and decisions that affect and guide our own lives.
Sure, it takes some practice, but I think it mostly takes conviction–we have to make the choice that we are going to take the lead. We may have to compromise on childrearing, or we might not get to do everything we want to do whenever we want it–but just telling ourselves that we are marching forward can be empowering. Instead of waiting to see what happens, or letting others tell us what they think we “ought” to be doing–we have to be the ones who take the lead in our own lives and with our own families.
Also: Making the Tough Decisions and Choices on Your Own
Boost Your Single Parent Confidence