Back in December, I wrote a little piece about the fact that we single parents don’t always have someone to fill our stockings or make a fuss over us at the holidays. On the eve of my forty-first birthday, I thought I might write a little bit about ways that single parents can make a fuss over themselves for their own birthdays. We may be tempted to just let it slide or try not to think about it—but what sort of message is that sending to our kids? And what is that doing to our own self-esteem?
I accept that the world falls into two camps—those who love and make a big deal over their birthdays and those who would rather no one noticed. I am in the former camp. That said, I haven’t always felt up to making a big fuss and there have been times when I just wanted someone else to do it for me. As a single parent, however, and as an evolving confident woman, I figured out that if I didn’t orchestrate the celebration—who would?
Think about this—if we plan parties and cakes and make a big deal for our children when their birthdays roll around and then we just let our own slide under the radar—what sort of message are we sending? Are we telling our kids that we don’t think we matter or that grown-ups don’t celebrate their birthdays? Are we setting a low expectation for them to NOT remember and acknowledge our birthdays in years to come? I know it might feel dorky buying or making your own birthday cake—but trust me, if you do it for yourself, eventually your child may very well take it on. It has taken years for my kids to get old enough and less self-absorbed enough, but they are finally starting to pick up the torch.
Go out with friends, host a movie party at your house, take yourself away for a week-end get-away, buy yourself a present—do for yourself what you would do for a partner, spouse or your child on his or her birthday. You deserve it, you will feel much better about yourself and your day, and your kids will see you caring for and taking care of yourself in a special way. So maybe it doesn’t look like a jewelry store ad for a while, at least you are sending the message to yourself and your kids that you matter (big time!)
Also: Self-Care Can Be in the Details