I have written before about how all three of my children are pretty strong-willed and opinionated. Recently, while talking with another parent, he kept referring to his child as willfully stubborn; I realized that depending on how you view it, that tenacity can either be spun in a positive or a negative way…
I think it helps to consider a child’s motivation and try to keep an eye on the big picture. A child who is strong-willed and able to stick up for himself, may have a leg-up in life as he gets older. It might be challenging for a parent, and you may secretly wish that you had a more docile child, but consider what it will be like when she is an adult. Once that strong-willed streak is tempered with some life experience and manners, it could make her a very strong and capable adult.
Stubbornness implies that a child is just saying no or being obstinate for the sake of being obstinate—not necessarily because he or she has a strong viewpoint or is trying to cause grief. Of course, there are times when a child IS being obstinate and doesn’t want to entertain anyone else’s ideas but his own, other times, however, he is just trying to make his preferences and opinions known.
A slight shift in our thinking as parents can make the behaviors of a strong-willed child more tolerable. Instead of finding ourselves locked in power struggles or trying to force and issue, we can put our energy into helping a strong-willed child learn how to be more persuasive and appropriate, as well as learning some important lessons in compromise. This way, we can preserve that tenacity for when it might really be needed in the future, and make every day life a little more bearable.
Also: Characteristics of Strong-willed Toddlers
Why Being Strong-willed is a Gift