Preparing our children to live in a relatively “unsafe” world is important; we also want them to know about stranger danger and learn skills for making safe decisions and keeping themselves out of harm’s way, but focusing too much on safety and danger preparation can make our children paranoid and scared. How can we help them to be aware without being afraid?
Fear can be really inhibiting. Telling our children that they might get “stolen” or “kidnapped” if they move out of our sight might be something we say with the best intentions, but it can create immobilizing fear for our children. Instead of making them feel safe, we can actually do just the opposite. I think that how we help our children to be aware of dangers is very important, as is taking into account each child’s individual personality. A naturally anxious child is going to be more easily frightened than one who is more of a trusting risk taker.
The experts suggest that we keep things age-appropriate and not give the child too much information. We want them to be aware of possible unsafe choices, places, and people, but we still need to instill a sense of safety and protection in them. They need to know that we are going to do everything we can to keep them safe and healthy–not that we are helpless to do anything about all those scary “outside” forces. It is also important to empower children by letting them know what they can DO if they feel unsafe or afraid of a situation. Talking through the skills and preparing them can help to alleviate those very scary feelings that come with being unsure of potential dangers. This is why educational programs that teach children fire safety awareness or stranger danger awareness teach them what to look out for, but also the things they can do (shut bedroom door instead of opening it if they smell smoke, not hiding from adults or firefighters, screaming and running from a scary stranger, etc.) This helps children to feel as though they have some tools for dealing with scary situations instead of being completely helpless.
Be sure to give your child plenty of opportunity to talk through and talk about topics you want them to be aware of, as well as any frightening or disconcerting things that might happen to them. Ongoing processing will also help them to be smart and aware and not paranoid or overly afraid.