I toyed around with how to name this article and decided this is the best I could come up with—the topic is deciding as a single parent that instead of waiting for someone else to come along and be that perfect “movie” date, we decide to be that for ourselves and others. Maybe by making our lives the way we dream, we will attract those people and adventures that we crave…
There are certain things that I would absolutely LOVE to have happen in my life—dream dates, adventures, conversations, etc. I think we all have those little scripts playing out in our heads. As single parents, some us either give up ever thinking we can have those things happen in our lives or we decide we will hold out for the perfect dream-come-to-life. I would like to propose an alternate solution—we make our own dreams come true!
I know full well that treating other people they way we hope and want to be treated can be a trap—we end up in a situation where we are not treating others the way THEY want to be treated and/or we build up resentment because we are not getting back what we are giving out. Instead, turning some of that focus inward onto ourselves, or creating the “environment” that we crave can make us feel better without creating expectations for other people. For example, I would absolutely LOVE to have someone invite me over, cook me a gourmet dinner without my having to lift a finger and have one of those cozy, comfortable early dates you see in the movies. Has anyone ever done this for me? Nope. I’ve been invited over to help cook or to do the cooking or invited over for take-out. I finally decided that I could be that “date”—I could experience that sort of activity but I was going to have to do it for myself. There is a certain amount of pleasure and self-esteem that comes with deciding to share your dream with someone else instead of waiting for someone to make it happen for you. It might not be exactly the same—but it beats waiting around and hoping for things to come into your life.
As single parents, I do think it is important to be both realistic and practical, and hold on to some of our dreams and fantasies. Instead of waiting for someone else to rescue us, however, and make our dreams come true—we can learn how to make our own dreams come true!
Also: Single Parent Dating–Finding Shared Interests
Single Parent Dating–Don’t Take Things Personally