Communication may have been a problem area when you were partnered with your child’s ex, AND many of us single parents find communicating with the ex or our child’s other parent(s) to be one of the most challenging aspects of sharing custody. Many of us look for ways to make communicating about childrearing and custody arrangements as painless and efficient as possible. We might consider turning to letter-writing as a way to get said what we want to but letter-writing can have its pros and its cons…
Writing a letter can be a good way to organize your thoughts and concerns and be able to say what you need to without interruptions or getting off track. In this day and age, many find that e-mailing can be an incredibly efficient way to communicate without getting sucked into an emotional or charged conversation. The downside of writing a letter is that it does live on in black and white—if you write things down that you regret, or compose and send a letter or e-mail when you are in an emotional and less objective state—it may come back to haunt you or make things worse.
If you do choose to use letter-writing as a means of communicating with the ex—you might set some parameters for yourself—what you will and won’t write in a letter or e-mail, as well as giving yourself a day or so to go back and review what you have written before you send it. It is also a good idea to keep a copy of anything you send in writing for your own records. When in doubt, have a neutral third-party give your letter a once-over to make sure that you are not writing something you will regret. Finally, send or deliver the letter yourself instead of depending on your child to be the carrier—it is healthier boundaries and won’t put your child in the middle or create a situation where a letter could fall into the wrong hands.
Also: Can Your Kids Learn to Respect You when Your Ex Doesn’t?
Developing a Communication Style that Works with the Ex