Learning to apologize well can be one of the hardest things we humans learn. I don’t know about you, but even though I thought I had it down pretty well, motherhood has added a whole new layer and lots of wrinkles to apologizing. Learning how to apologize to our kids, ask for forgiveness, and model forgiving and understanding behaviors as a parent can be tough. Now I know what is meant by the “art” of apology. Knowing when, how, and doing it with honesty and humbleness as a mom or dad is challenging!
I know there are those parents who do NOT apologize to their children when they make a mistake or do something regretful (I know because I have personally experienced that type of parent.) I think that historically, it is a relatively new concept—it used to be that parents had complete reign and sovereignty over their children and it didn’t matter if they were wrong or right, they were officially “right.” So, many of us have had to learn how to apologize to our children without having any training or modeling ourselves. The good thing is that our work and modeling will give our children a leg-up on how to be respectful, forgiving and apologetic with their human relationships.
Sincerity and promptness are important when apologizing—the longer we let something fester, or if we are at all patronizing or insincere, the less validity our apology has. I know that there are those who believe that a late apology is better than none at all and I have known adults who were able to start healing when a parent apologized after years and years had passed, but why wait? Apologizing quickly, sincerely, processing the forgiveness and letting go are much healthier ways to live.
Mistakes happen, we parents are only human and while we need to maintain authority and responsibility with our children, apologizing with care and grace is actually one of the ways we are able to do that. It may be an art form to master the apology as a parent, but it is one that has a lasting affect on our children and us.
Also: Saying Things You Regret