Like many American families, we tend to be having battles of wills and autonomy around here all the time. Either my kids are trying to tell me how things should be done, or I am trying to provide them with necessary directions in life. What I have learned, however, is that it does not seem to matter how old or how acquiescent we seem to be, nobody REALLY wants to be told what to do…
For me, acknowledging that my kids do not really want to be told what to do any more than I do, it helps me to have some tact and take some care about my “bossiness.” I know that I am the parent and I am in charge, but too much bossing and directing can cause a backlash. This how many power struggles get started and burn out of control as well. As parents, if we understand that even though our children want us to be in control, they do not necessarily want us guiding and directing their every move—we can make better choices in how we parent.
Years ago, I received some really great advice on this subject—a more experienced parent told me that she tried to save up her orders and directions for times when they were really needed. She said that “No should really mean something.” She also told me that if I didn’t get too bossy, my kids would come to me when they needed my advice, suggestions or help and ask for it—thereby empowering them instead of making them feel inept or resentful. Those few words have wisdom have been like gold for me. I do not always remember to keep my mouth shut, but I have learned to keep the bossy comments in check. Now, if I could just get them to stop telling me what to do!
Also: Who is Scolding Whom?